I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
