your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
