Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
