I'm going to jail i love you
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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