you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
she smelled like a LAN party
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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