Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize