Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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