Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
