he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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