my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
