I think I died a long time ago.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
