you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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