She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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