I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
