The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
