The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
