I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
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Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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