Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
