Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
