Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
