final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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