So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
