who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
