Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
