my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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