my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He shit in the fireplace
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
