why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
