I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
