I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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