So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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