Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
