So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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