i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
