the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
