I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
