I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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