I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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