There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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