she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
