I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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