There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I see more hoeing in ur future
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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