Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
