i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
