Already got asked if we're dating
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
