her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
