What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
