It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
