Ambien. No doubt about it.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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