I think I died a long time ago.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
