They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
