I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
