i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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