I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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