I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I party with great urgency now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
