did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
ttyl tear gas
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
