You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
