she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
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The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
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That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
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