kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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