There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
