The maid of honor just puked.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
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