I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize