I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
