If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
