My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize