don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
My liver just had a heart attack.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
