put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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