so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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