who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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