If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
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How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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